Oh my God in Heaven!

OK, so I had this whole long post nearly finished. It was mostly about Led Zeppelin, so probably nothing new, but my naffing mother USURPED me on the computer when I thought she’d GONE TO BED. She LOGGED ME OUT, which aside from stopping everything else, removed my long post from the universe.

A brief summary: They rock, I’ve not been listening to them much, DVD rocks, it’s amazing RP managed to procreate with trousers that tight, he had (still has) nice hair, Jimmy Page is very sweaty, JPJ has some fabulous clothes, they rock, drum solos shouldn’t be more than 10 minutes long ever even if you ARE John Henry Bonham. Ditto guitar solos even if you ARE ChildProdigy!Jimmy Page. They rock. I love them. I cannot live without them. They rock.

Anyway, I just went to the Rolling Stones’ website to see if they posted lyrics like lesser mortals do (Dylan etc)… and pretty much the only thing you can do on there is register or buy something. I’m not averse to registering for stuff like this so I click the link.

The cheapest registration is SIXTY FIVE DOLLARS. For ONE year. Oh, and a free DVD. Your choices are SIXTY FIVE or ONE HUNDRED dollars. Are these people:
a: WRINKLY FUCKING LEECHES.
b: WRINKLY FUCKING LEECHES WHO HAVEN’T MADE A DECENT ALBUM IN MY LIFETIME
c: WANKERS LOOKING TO SUCK AS MUCH MONEY FROM THEIR FANS AS POSSIBLE
d: WOEFULLY DELUDED TWATS SO FAR REMOVED FROM REALITY THAT THEY DON’T CONSIDER THESE AMOUNTS ANYTHING BUT TRIFLING

Honestly, I understand when Mick The Businessman says that the reason concert tickets are so expensive is that they’re running a business, employing a LOT of people. I get that. I get that it’s expensive to transport a full-size snooker table around (proper fullsize tables are made of slate and require cranes to move them). I get that it must cost a lot to iron Keef’s face before every gig. I GET this stuff. But are you telling me that almost everything on that site is subject to such a ridiculous registration fee? What’s ON there? The SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE? The SECRET OF HOW KEEF ISN’T DEAD?

I stand corrected. A game of Rolling Stones Concentration is available to everyone. Yippee-kay-ay.

I am also allowed to purchase the Forty Licks CD (which I already have in the basic format). Do you know HOW many versions there are of that CD, including live, blah blah blah. I would HATE to be a Rolling Stones purist, man. More expensive than being a Jimi Hendrix purist and having to buy re-jigged after remastered after repackaged same old stuff.

I am astounded, frankly, and it’s not like I was previousy unaware of their ability to make themselves shit loads of money. SIXTY FIVE DOLLARS FOR ONE YEAR FOR ONE MEASLEY WEBSITE? ARE YOU PEOPLE HAVING A GIRAFFE? DO KEEF AND RONNIE STILL OWE MONEY ON BAR BILLS OR SOMETHING?

Bad form, boys, very bad form. I’ll have to find one song’s worth of lyrics somewhere else, you spandex/lycra/animal print-clad wankers.

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8 Responses to Oh my God in Heaven!

  1. annearchy says:

    I get that it must cost a lot to iron Keef’s face before every gig.

    *choke* *gag* *cough* *dies laughing*

    • apollarock says:

      OK, that’s not ENTIRELY my joke. It’s derived from- guess what- a Mark Lamarr gag on Never Mind The Buzzcocks which mentioned the HUGE rider for Stones gigs

      “Blah blah blah blah… and one travel iron. For Keith’s face.”

      • annearchy says:

        One of my Montiac friends, Tony, organized a benefit that Monte headlined in October 2002. He told me that Monte’s contract included riders for a case of chilled spring water, 1 bar of Ivory soap and 12 hand towels. The last two didn’t surprise me because Monte is very fastidious about his fingernails; he’s used to people taking close-up photos of his hands while he plays solos) and he keeps his nails really clean and trimmed – except for his left thumbnail, which is always longer than the rest because he uses it to pluck strings on the neck of the guitar 🙂 But I don’t think he has any riders about getting his face ironed 😉

  2. I dunno…I think I’d be willing to listen to a 30-minute drum performance by Bonzo. And wash it down by a 30-minute guitar solo by Jimmy Page.

    But yeah, Zep rocks.

    However, that Rolling Stones website? The funds go to pay for Mick’s collagen. And for the medications that keep the band alive.

  3. no_remorse says:

    What’s ON there? The SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE? The SECRET OF HOW KEEF ISN’T DEAD?

    Knowing that would be actually worth the $65.

    • apollarock says:

      Oh it’s worth MUCH more than that… but I’m not forking over until I have written assurances to the fact.

      Although Wayne’s World 2 seemed to have the answer with the way roadie Del slept hanging upside down.

      “Sleeping like this will add ten years to your life. I learned it from Keith Richards when I toured with the Stones. This may be the reason why Keith cannot be killed by conventional weapons.”

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