I was watching What Women Want earlier, and I started to get slightly narked. Since when do all women want the same stuff? I know that’s not quite the point the movie is trying to make, but I think it kinda does. So anyway…
What This Woman Wants And Doesn’t Want
1. I am not like every other woman, therefore I don’t want the same things as them.
2. I don’t mind being called a girl. I do mind being called bitch if you’re not my friend and saying it in jest. In fact, it might be best to just not say it.
3. I don’t need you to be treat me like a baby because I’m female.
4. I have a brain. This doesn’t make me good at everything but it does make me good at some things.
5. I believe in equality. This doesn’t mean I want women to rule the world, it means I want us all to be treated the same.
6. I don’t like ball-busters much either. This doesn’t mean I won’t go out for what I want.
7. No, I don’t want to shag every pretty guy I see.
8. I think men and women can just be friends. Have you considered that maybe we just don’t fancy you?
9. Just because I don’t dress up all the time/hardly ever doesn’t mean I don’t care about how I look.
10. I might think I look a bit shit. This doesn’t give you the right to say it and expect me not to get offended/hurt.
11. Just because I wear trousers and t-shirts and trainers doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about what I look like, it just means that right now, I really can’t be bothered.
12. So I don’t tweeze my eyebrows/paint my nails/do my hair every single day. Maybe I’ve got better things to be doing with my time. If I did do all those things it wouldn’t mean that I didn’t have better things to do.
13. I am perfectly entitled to drink Guinness and like it without being laddish. Maybe I just like it.
14. I am perfectly entitled to not particularly want a boyfriend. This does not mean I am a lesbian.
15. I am perfectly entitled to like rock and roll music. Really loud rock and roll music.
16. I am perfectly entitled to hate chick rock. This doesn’t mean I’m anti-women.
17. I am capable of loving rock stars deeply and forever without it being even remotely romantic in origin or nature.
18. I don’t have to be anti-men to think some/most of you are utter fuckwits with bollocks for brains and dicks for consciences. It doesn’t even mean I don’t like you.
19. If I admire a beautiful man (eg Jim Morrison) it doesn’t mean that’s the only reason. In fact, it’s probably the least of my reasons.
20. If I tell you I’m perfectly happy on my own and don’t want or particularly need a boyfriend, it doesn’t mean I’m never lonely or have moments I’d like to not be on my own. It doesn’t even mean that I’m lying when I say I’m happy on my own.
21. Just because I’m not interested in you doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian.
22. If I tell you I like football, it might actually be because I like football, not because I like footballers’ legs.
23. I find footballers’ legs actually quite ugly and aesthetically lacking.
24. I am perfectly capable of understanding mechanics- I just don’t want to.
25. Sometimes, if I’m in a bad fucking mood, it might be because something annoys me and nothing to do with hormones.
26. Sometimes if I’m upset, it might be because something mad me sad and nothing to do with hormones.
27. Sometimes I like a film with a lot of violence or action in it. I like Die Hard. I even like Die Hard II. I love The Godfather and not because Michael/Sonny/Whoever is hot. I love The Godfather cos it’s got a great story, is made beautifully and man, the deaths of Luca Brasi and Sonny are done so beautifully.
28. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about feelings.
29. I don’t care about menstrual cycles or any of that. Matter of fact, when I don’t have to be dealing with this crap, I’d rather not think about it at all.
30. I have no idea what the difference between black and white mascara is. I don’t care.
31. I don’t like romantic comedies all that much.
32. There are some romantic comedies I really like.
33. I don’t care whether an actor/musician is OMGHOT, I care whether they’re talented or not. No amount of pretty can make up for a lack of talent.
34. I don’t find the c word as offensive as a lot of people, but I really would prefer you didn’t use it.
35. I don’t care what eating three Krispy Kremes will do to my thighs/whatever.
36. I’ve never been on a diet before. I know I’m lucky to be in that particular position, even at only 22.
37. I hate it when other females look on me in a nasty-envious way when I say I’ve never had to diet and I’m a size eight. It’s luck, and it makes me feel bad that you hate me for it.
38. I can sit here and find things wrong with my body and still not be that bothered by it. Not everyone is totally bothered by these things.
39. I’m not entranced by bad boys. I know they’re wankers.
40. I’m not entranced by Sensitive New Men. I know it’s partly a lie.
41. I really hate the idea that there are ‘rules’ to dating. Some of us can’t conceive of putting so much effort into something that should be pretty natural.
42. I really hate being ‘targeted’ in commercials/television. I don’t give a shit whether I’m ‘worth it’ or ‘born for it’ or any of that malarkey. Mind you, I don’t think girls who do care are less than me. We all like different things.
43. I hate the concept that men have one layer and only one. I know it’s not true for all of them.
44. I hate the concept that women must always have more than one layer. Sometimes what I say is what I mean. Sometimes what I think is what I think.
45. Sometimes I identify more with a male perspective than a female perspective. This doesn’t make me want to be a man. This doesn’t make me a lesbian.
46. If I seem offended sometimes that someone suggests I might be a lesbian, it’s not that I’m homophobic, it’s that I don’t particularly want other people talking about something that should only matter to me.
47. I’m pretty good at multi-tasking, but that doesn’t give you carte blanche to get me to do the stuff you don’t want to do.
48. I hate being pigeonholed.
49. I can be independent and feisty without being man-hating or ball-busting.
50. I’m not in a bad mood, I just don’t like being treated as part of some giant group that doesn’t really apply to me.
So, if you’re feeling unappreciated or down or like a tiny cog in the giant wheel of Female-Driven Consumerism, bold that which applies and add your own to the list. Spread the Independent, Individual Chick spirit!